“Mummy is Sorry”
Mummy is sorry,
You weren’t planned.
You weren’t meant to come into my life, just yet.
I wasn’t ready for you,
I couldn’t cope.
I didn’t think I could give you all you needed,
A mother’s total love,
A mother’s devotion.
You seemed more of an intrusion
On my planned and ordered life.
But now I’m sorry.
I snuffed out your life,
Before you saw the light of day.
I didn’t want you in my life,
I wanted my own way.
Circumstances weren’t right for you
To come at this time,
But now I’m sorry.
I wish I could sing you a nursery rhyme,
I wish I could bring you back.
Into a life that was ready for you.
I’d like everything planned and perfect,
Not messy and out of sync.
Why then does my heart feel so bad?
Why do I feel so guilty?
Surely you were not really like a proper baby,
You weren’t fully formed,
Ready to live an independent life;
Ready to live outside the womb.
But you would have been,
If I hadn’t stopped you in your tracks,
And stopped your heart beating.
Mine still beats…
No one has stopped my heart.
Yet, my heart is filled with pain,
And is missing your heart beating inside me.
What have I done? Can you forgive me?
Can you forgive your own mother,
Who was meant to give you life;
Protect and nurture you?
How I have betrayed you!
Can God forgive me?
I, who have destroyed,
One of his little ones.
A defenseless babe in the womb.
Now, I will never rock you in my arms,
Now, I will never see your first smile,
Or see your first steps.
I will never hear your first words or
Hear you call out, “Mummy.”
My child I am sorry…
Can an angel take my words to my baby in Heaven?
And take away this pain and regret in my heart?
Can an angel enfold my child, in the love that I have,
Deep in my heart, for this, my child, alone.
A mother’s love, a special love,
That only a mother can give?
My child you are separated from me,
Now in the physical world.
But you can never be severed
From me completely.
Because death can never separate us.
Your death doesn’t mean
I’m no longer your mother or
You’re no longer my child.
As soon as you were conceived,
There was the relationship formed;
And it exists now for all eternity.
One day we will be re-united,
And I will be able to tell you face to face;
How sorry I am for having betrayed you.
Please forgive my human weakness, my ignorance
In not fully realizing what I was doing;
And the devastating consequences
That have come about.
God, I am sorry for destroying,
The gift of life within me.
For ending a life that was not
My right to do so.
Please forgive me,
Take care of my little one for me.
I place my baby in your arms
For you to look after.
Until the day I reach Heaven,
And can hold my own baby in my arms.
And kiss him on the forehead,
And let him feel my deep love.
And all will be well, once more.